Sunday, 21 October 2012

week 4 : the pressure

week 4 is not officially over yet, as there is still one oncall left, on sunday night. 

well, to be in a group with a "mini consultant" is not a good thing. to be that "mini consultant" oncall's partner, is triple times, not a good thing. sigh. life is hard.

"mini consultant" : read : bajet bagus, bajet pandai dan suka merapu. oh not to forget, suka menghilang masa oncall.

aaarrrggghhh, cepat lah habis surgery ni weh!!!

yesterday, 3 of my friends went back to Malaysia. this time, FOR GOOD. somehow reading their tweets, fb status(s) and any other things doesn't make me feel any better. worse, yes. 

for medical students, to pass all those rotation is not easy, especially in my uni. oh, we are talking about MY uni. here's the formula :

  1. brain + luck = pass
  2. no brain + luck = pass
  3. brain + no luck = fail
  4. no brain + no luck = fail

LUCK is the main thing we are talking about. luck that I'm talking here is like as in "you're lucky" or even luck as in "you're lucky enough because u got money, name, pangkat, harta, kekayaan, pengaruh, etc". no matter how brainy u are, but without luck, its kinda hard to pass all those rotation here in one shot. among 273 students from my batch, only half, made it with flying colours, in one shot. the other half, either they have to repeat some of the rotation, or they have not fully finish those rotation due to 6-12(few even 24) months delay before, caused by extension, back then in our early semester. and that includes me.

regret much? yes, because I'm a stupido, and will always be one. but to stop here, is not the solution. they said the moment people usually give up, is actually the closest point they are to the destiny that God has planned. i know that i will never give up on this, but the pressure's keep coming. its not that I'm making things hard but i cant help when my heart feels, erm, aaarrrggghhh, i cant even find the suitable word for it.

thousand times i told myself, to keep calm and focus on what I'm doing, but then, all those stupid thoughts come again, filling my empty brain and then, there i go, I'm losing my track, again.


need MUST finish this. no matter what.

but ya Allah, I'm tired.

i really need strength, i really need motivation and i really need everyone to understand me and not asking or forcing me to think about the less important thing(s), at least for now.

ya Allah, please give me strength.

and to everyone, i apologize for things i did wrong, but if u could do me this one favor, i would appreciate very, very much.

i. need. your. support.

thank you.

p/s : as usual, i am not "terel" in english.


1 comment:

  1. Jan!!!semangatt!!
    Aku pun terseksa bila tau bedah xde UP,tapi nak buat camna. At one point,we'll get there jugak. jalani aja. It'll get worst before it'll get better. Have faith.

    Jangan menyerah sebelum buat please.
    Bila rasa berat sangat nak buat,niat dalam hati 'aku buat ni untuk Allah' insyaAllah lebih tenang skit.

    Orang yg paling banyak diuji sebab Allah sayang dia. Allah sayang. Allah sayang :)

    let's not stop fighting. We almost there:))
    *returning some positive vibes!*


thank you very muchooo!

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