Saturday, 21 October 2017

Sleepy Head


Currently I feel super duper dizzy, tired, and my back hurts so much and my left hand side feels nyutnyut.

Pokcik is back from his UN course and we had a mini birthday celebration for Pokcik. I treat him a birthday cake and let him chose the cake he want (a slice because we don't really eat cake although I love baking them). But in the end Zaheen is the one who finished all those cake before he fell asleep in the car later and woke up feeling super hyper, thus the explanation to my tiredness.

Anyway, Pokcik is acting all weird tonight. He prayed Isya already before we left for Wangsa Walk tonight. But just now after we back home, I saw him prayed again. Hurm. What a weird man. He was once prayed without the shirt on long time ago (he was in real work mess at that time). Whatever it is, make it weird or not, don't worry, I still love you darling. Jangan dok buat pe'el pelik-pelik then we'll se how my love can ruin you badly. Haha.

Okay bubbye it's time for sleep. Teletubbies say Goodbye.


Sent from android

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

Flying Without Wings


I'm back. Kids are asleep now and I manage to find a lil time to read what's in my draft. Apparently I did write a few posts but I didn't have courage to post it. But this one, I think I'm going to publish. I wrote this more than 2 years ago. Ironically, I still have that same kind of feeling up until now. Whatever it is, Que sera sera, whatever will be will be. I planned, I tried but if things still not going well, so I know God has better plan for me. And to those who keeps telling/perli me that I don't have any plan blablabla (she dont even read my blog pfft), I hope you will never have to experience what I'm going through, because as far as I'm concern, I have more time to teach and to spend time with my kids more than you. And at least I don't need any helper just to shower my kids everyday. Just please, always be grateful and mind your own family.

Flying Without Wings

Trying so hard
Hold on so tight
Yet things never change
I never change
I cannot change

What else in this world do I deserve?

If only I can be as patient as I could be
If only I can be happy just as happy as others
If only I can throw away this stupid ugly hatred against everything in my deep concious mind
Why do I live like this?

I don't like living in this emotion like others tell me I did
I do everything I could to make things be just like what I imagine
But the thing is
It never will

I am not God to change anything
I can't even handle things on my own
I tried but now I'm tired
Tired to make everything make sense
I prayed a lot even some take it as I'm showing off
And another some think I did not strive for my best
If only they knew how much I tried
If only they knew what I'm feeling deep inside
But after all, who cares?
Oh dear,
What else in this world is left for me?

There are always time when 
I hate when I cannot control myself
I hate when I cannot handle things on my own
I hate when I cannot let people go on their own way
And to top it off


For being the stupidest ugliest fattest childish child on the earth.

And people don't like me


Just like the same way I don't like them

These will work...

Love? I wonder if this solve everything..

I tried but now I'm tired

I know Allah will let this pass

This too shall pass

Have faith Jannah

Just have faith.


I Feel...


Phew, what a long day today. Travel dengan si kecik dua orang ni dan adik-adik back to KL while daddy still in his course. I think I should request for a spa treat from Pokcik. Handling 2 kids alone is fun but hell tiring and not easy too. 

I rarely got time to switch on my laptop nowadays, hence, lack of post. (Eh wait, I even don't have time to properly shampoo my hair, brush teeth etc etc). BUT, I suddenly remember just now that I actually can write/post direct to my blog using email. So here I am, writing again, and please do expect more update from me after this. Hwahwa.

Anyway, Nadzmin is asleep already while Zaheen just fell down from Fawwaz's bicycle and now I am off upstair to do my daily routine -- changing diapers, brush Zaheen's teeth (and mine too), preparing bed, recite Surah and Du'a and not to forget kissing them until they awake again hahaha.

So, I shall see you again in next post. If I'm in the right mood, I probably write again after settling with my kids. Haha.

Till then, toodles.


Sent from android

Saturday, 22 July 2017

Aidilfitri 2017 and New Baby!


Hari ni 22 Julai 2017. I am supposed to deliver my baby today. Haha. Yes, my EDD is on this date, same date with my big brother's birthday, Pok Keng. However, Alhamdulillah, at 38 weeks ++, Tuesday, on 11th July 2017, I safely delivered my second baby boy via SVD, 12.41 AM, birth weight at 3.15kg. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. This is equal to 17 Syawal 1438H. We named him Muhammad Nadzmin bin Mohd Faizul, which means Cahaya yang Terpuji.

I never write about my first experience delivering my first born son, Zaheen. So today I wanna write one. Who knows one day my kids will find out my blog kan hwahwa.

I started my contraction on early morning 2 July 2015, just before sahur. I went to toilet and found out there's a blood spot. So now I know I will deliver soon, very soon. I cannot concentrate on sleep anymore. I just waited until sahur time, then headed to my emak's room and tell her that I had a minor contraction and a blood spot. Emak said okay just go sahur first then decide when to go to hospital. I decided to sleep after subuh and waited until morning before we go to hospital. 8.30 AM, I took my packed bags, and headed to hospital with Awa and Emak. Awa drop us to maternity A&E HSNZ, and I checked in there. By that time contraction is still mild. About 20-30 minutes at a time. Checked for opening and its only 2cm, so they sent me to the ward first. Long story short, at 9PM, my contraction become severely hard, and I couldn't bear it anymore. Ask the nurse to check my opening, and that time it's already 5cm. So they pushed me down to the labour room. I asked for epidural, at 11PM, the anaesth team came, checked on me, and started on epidural. 12 AM 3rd July 2015, the nurse called my husband into the labour room. The epidural worked hell really well that I don't even feel a thing. My contraction went away like pffffttt taddaaaaa, and I can sleep really well at that time HAHAHA. 4am, the nurse checked on me, the opening was 8cm still that time, but the head was already there and asked my husband to go sahur and subuh first. Around 6.30AM, my husband came back, and the nurse checked on my opening, it's already 10cm, so they prepared for my delivery. 7.20AM, they looked at my CTG, and asked me to push whenever the CTG showed there's a contraction because I can't feel any contraction. I forgot how many times I pushed, but Alhamdulillah after few times pushing, my baby is finally out at 7. 35 AM. They did episiotomy on me as well, and did the stitches but due to the strong epidural, I didn't feel anything. Everything's settled, and I am back to the ward, and that evening, I checked out the hospital and went back home. :)

9 July 2017, before sleep as usual I texted my husband goodnight and everything. That night rasa macam ala-ala nak sakit senggugut, so I texted my husband "Standby la esok pg takut ayg nk beranak⁠⁠⁠⁠" and later I fell asleep. 2.30 AM, I feel like peeing so I went to toilet and found out a blood spot. Only after that I realized I actually had a very minor contraction. I texted again my husband and told him about that, and continued my beauty sleep. Around 4.30 AM, the contraction started to harden. So I texted again my husband, no reply (of course la mamat tu tengah sedap tido haha). And I texted my emak as well. But this time really, I feel more relax, maybe because I know what to expect. I decided to go to hospital in the morning since the contraction at that time was only 10-15 minutes at a time. So that morning, I went to my cafe to sent money, sent Zaheen to school, and went to Giant. The main purpose is to walk and walk and walk to accelerate my opening. However, when I went back home, the contraction became less strength and I decided to wait until my husband arrived from KL. My husband went back to Terengganu around 11AM after he settled passing over his works to his officemate. Around 4.30PM, I picked Zaheen up from school and when I came back home, daddy Zaheen is already there. Since the contraction at that time still 10-15 minutes, I decided to wait still until Zaheen fall asleep that night. Around 9.15PM, the contraction became stronger in strength and became faster in duration, it was about 5 minutes per contraction at that time. So siap-siap Zaheen, salin pampers and put him into sleep. At 10.30PM, my husband sent me to HSNZ. Checked in the maternity A&E, and two HOs came and checked my opening, 5cm already, so they sent me direct to labour room. That was at 11.45PM. Checked in labour room, another HO checked my opening, 6cm. I request for epidural, but at that time, I don't think they would cater me that since the progress for the cervix opening is faster if you are not a primid(first child). And yes, they said it would be complicated if they want to request epidural to anesth team since they need to do the blood investigation first blablabla so the asked me if I wanted to cancel taking epidural, so I said yes. So they broke my water, and guess what. The contraction became harder and stronger. My husband came in, and of course la tangan die jadi tempat genggaman terkuat, sakit siot. HAHAHA. Sempat lagi cakap rasa nak gigit je tangan dia. Hwahwa. After around 3 times of super pain contraction, the fourth one I cannot even stand it anymore. Turned my face to my husband baru teringat, eh lupa minta maaf HAHA. So dengan kesakitan tu rasa macam nak nangis dah, terus cakap "Sorry abang". And at that time contraction tu aku dah start guling-guling and cakap adoi lama lagi ke nak kena rasa sakit ni and suddenly rasa macam nak terberak HAHAHA. Terus cakap rasa macam nak meneran, nurse cepat-cepat suruh pusing duduk in lithotomy position(sebab sebelum tu dok mengiring ke kiri). And suddenly jugak my labour room was flood with nurses + midwives + doctors. So dieorang pun macam tengah bagi sokongan moral kat sukaneka kanak-kanak ha okay teran je kepala baby dah nampak. Of course la aku meneran sebab memang rasa nak terberak pon haha. Few times teran, then tetibe tak rasa sebab xde contraction. So, amek nafas, baiki position jap. Within few seconds, rasa contraction, meneran sekali dan alhamdulillah selamat kuar baby at 12.41 AM 11 July 2017. Haha. Macam best je berak kuar baby. HAHAHA. Then macam biasa la tunggu placenta keluar then jahit pulak. This one takde episiotomy but kena first degree tear + labia tear. Jahit tu masyaALLAH, lagi sakit dari contraction. First anak tak rasa apa sebab on epidural. But whatever it is, ALHAMDULILLAH semua dah selamat. 

So now, I'm a mother of two boys. Hehe. Alhamdulillah. Bermulalah cabaran hidup berkeluarga dua anak. Tabik spring mak aku boleh beranak 8. HAHA. Anyway, just for the record, contraction pain yang aku rasa this time is actually less hurt than masa beranakkan Zaheen. Masa pregnantkan Zaheen, aku minum VCO - virgin coconut oil a.k.a minyak kelapa dara. I was warned by few persons, it will make your contraction stronger, but your cervix opening will be delayed, and guess what, MEMANG BETUL PUN. That's what happen in my case masa beranakkan Zaheen. The contraction I felt masa Zaheen memang sangat-sangat sakit even before epidural. Sakit dia memang menggila macam nak tercabut pinggang. But the opening progress memang very, very slow. So masa second pregnancy ni, I avoid dari minum apa-apa minyak. Just regularly minum AIR KELAPA sebab memang suka and takde masalah pun. And hasilnya Alhamdulillah contraction pain tetap sakit, but bearable unless yang sebelum meneran tu memang sakit gila takleh tahan. HAHA. So lesson learnt, NEVER drink VCO masa pregnant. Iklan-iklan kata baby licin, mudah bersalin tu semua SAMPAH. Zaheen dulu pun takde la licin sangat, Nadzmin pun tak licin. Of course la vernix tu ada bukan disebabkan oleh minum VCO ke tidak. Lagi lama pregnant, lagi kurang vernix kat baby nanti.

Anyway, that is MY story. Saja tulis so that if ever I forgot, boleh tengok balik. Hihi. Thanks to Allah, husband, emak ayah, family and all the superb HSNZ staffs for helping me out during delivery. Untuk sesiapa yang nak beranak, I wish you all the best. And it is still not too late to say Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin.

Here's one picture of my precious second born son, Muhammad Nadzmin.


Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Ramadhan & Syawal


Hari ni dah hari ke 18 Ramadhan, alhamdulillah masih berkesempatan merasai Ramadhan this year. This week marks my 34 weeks pregnancy as well. So far, alhamdulillah takde apa-apa masalah and tak tinggal puasa lagi. Except for day 1 puasa, masuk Zohor je dah selamat muntah hijau. Haha. Tapi puasa tetap diteruskan.

Anyway, puasa ni jadual rutin dah berubah. I took a month leave. So here I am with my husband, melayani beliau di bulan puasa. Kesian pulak sahur and buka puasa sorang-sorang. Tahun lepas dah la half puasa kat Mongolia. Haha. This year dapat puasa full with my husband, alhamdulillah. So rutin harian adalah masak, masak dan memasak. Masak sahur, masak kat Zaheen untuk lunch, masak berbuka pulak. Kadang-kadang kalau rajin masak moreh. Tapi masak moreh tu jarang sangat, sebab hari-hari Zaheen ajak keluar lepas terawikh. Mostly hari-hari drive through McD and jalan-jalan area tengah KL ni hwahwa.

Zaheen pulak lepas lama duduk dengan daddy ni dia start makan banyak. Bukan banyak je, start makan sayur sekali haha. I never knew dia suka sayur sebab selama ni kalau letak sayur, dia buang. Rupanya itu adalah tindakan meniru mommynya sebab mommynya konfem buang sayur-sayur dalam pinggan. Haha. To my surprise, bukan stakat sawi and carrot je die makan. Dengan kacang panjang pun die ratah macam tu je ikut daddy dia. Haha... Sebelum ni kalau bagi sayur mesti dia puek balik taknak sayur. Now dah terbalik dok asyik mintak sayur. Good for him anyway. Macam-macam.....

So... Disebabkan dah jarang update blog. Di kesempatan ini daku ingin mengucapkan Selamat Berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan dan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Minta maaf kepada yang pernah terluka mahupun terasa dengan aku zahir dan batin. Yang tak reti-reti minta maaf dengan aku sejak buat salah dari dulu, cepat-cepat minta maaf ya. Jangan dok buat senyap macam takde pape pernah berlaku. Dosa woo. Kalau mati tak sempat mintak maaf, sia-sia je. Ooops, sape yang makan cili dia la yang rasa pedasnya. Hahahaha...

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan Kareem
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Ikhlas dari Anna, Joey, Zaheen & Baby

Okay bai.

Till then, toodles!

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